Home of Southern author Darlene Ford Wofford

How much Input Should Children Be Allowed

In Single Parent’s Love Life Decisions?

  

A recently released novel has once again evoked quite a bit of controversy.  This time the debate concerns to what degree a single parent should allow their children’s input whenever the chance for love and happiness presents itself.  Based on true events, Edgewise: An Assignment to Remember provides the perfect blend of happiness, hope, tenderness, anger and sadness during its emotional journey through a young woman’s memories of earlier times.  One such time was when a sudden fatal heart attack took the life of her 47 year-old father.  Jack James was survived by his wife, Ruth, and their five children.   Although the shock of losing their father wasn’t easy for any of them, the four oldest were in their late teens and understood the finality of death.  However, Delaney, the youngest of the James clan, was only 7 years old and nothing made sense to her, especially when the pastor reassured her “he has gone to a better place.”   

The young girl was a full decade younger than her siblings, and very close to her father.  Of course, most children of this age cannot grasp the meaning of death, but then again, who among us can understand death?   It was only natural that she grew even closer to her mother, sleeping in the same bed, tagging along with her wherever her mother went.  That is a common response when a child loses a parent, whether through death or divorce.  The surviving/remaining parent becomes the child’s link or connection to security and love.   

It was inevitable that the widowed mother, still very attractive, would be pursued by gentleman callers.  About five years following the death of her husband, she became seriously involved with a successful business owner, whose wife had died several years earlier.   The widower’s contracting company provided a generous income, and he lived in the one of the more affluent areas of Atlanta.   His proposal of marriage presented the opportunity for Ruth to quit work and stay home to raise Delaney in a comfortable lifestyle, afford anything they so desired, and send her daughter to the best schools.   Her decision to accept his proposal would have changed and improved their quality of life.   

Unfortunately, Delaney didn’t see it that way, and threw a “bratty” tantrum when the prospects of marriage between her mother and the gentleman became apparent.   She disliked this man and regarded him as an intruder trying to take her father’s place.  “That’s my Daddy’s Chair” is one of the many poignant chapters in this novel, with laughter-evoking humor, yet sad in many ways.  Though the young girl’s reaction was common and understandable, her inappropriate actions were inexcusable.   Ultimately, the mother allows her daughter to influence that life-changing decision to accept or decline his proposal, and in retrospect regret is prevalent.  

Similar situations such as this play out every day in the lives of single parents.  The difference in the death of a parent and divorce is that death is part of life.  It is something we all must face sooner or later.  Children may appear on the surface to be dealing with death and accepting the finality of it all.   On the contrary, they are most likely confused and angry at the sense of abandonment, and in many cases harboring guilt in that they blame themselves for the situation.  These same reactions and emotions are present with children in cases of divorced parents.  There little minds go into overdrive with questions such as: What did I do to cause this to happen?    What could I have done to prevent this from happening?   Why, why, why…?   And the confusion perpetuates itself as more unanswered questions present themselves.   

While the loving single parent has compassion and empathy as well as sympathy for their child/children, they bend over backwards to do anything and everything to appease them.  Too many times appeasement involves allowing the child’s likes or dislikes for a new prospective love interest to influence their decisions to go forward with the relationship.  Calling off the relationship for the sake of the child often leaves the single parent all dressed up, nowhere to go and no one with whom to go there.   It may be years later before the child confesses to the parent that he/she had nothing concrete against the pursuer—only that they didn’t want them to take their mother’s/father’s place.   It is not coincidental that ‘regret’ and ‘retrospect’ seem to go hand in hand regarding life’s unfortunate decisions.    

An Assignment to Remember is the first of three novels in the Edgewise series, with the 2^nd and 3^rd novels scheduled for release in 2008 and 2009.  While the names have been changed to protect the innocent, as well as the “not so innocent,” these novels are based on true events and told through the eyes of the author’s alter ego, Delaney Rutherford.   

The novel initially sparked quite a bit of controversy because its raw-life content is written in such a descriptive manner.   There is a graphic scene recounting a date gone terribly wrong, in which the details are vivid and quite discerning. For that reason the author highly recommends Parental Guidance for teens under the age of 16.  For information or to share comments about this topic, visit www.darlenewofford.com or email darlenewofford@yahoo.com .