In my
late-fifties, I'm blessed to enjoy the best of all
worlds-both personally and professionally. My romance with
Carl, my husband of 40 years, is still going strong and we
are extremely proud of our sons, Kenneth and Cory. I have
enjoyed several successful careers including interior
design, marketing, image development, and two decades in the
mortgage banking industry. However, life has not always been
so blissful.
On Thursday afternoon on January 12, 1984 my world was
abruptly interrupted when I discovered our son, Collin,
drowned in the accumulated water of the pool's cover. Upon
arrival at the house, the paramedics pronounced him
"brain-dead" but they worked with him in the ambulance all
the way to the hospital in Canton, Georgia. Though he had
only a faint heartbeat, they didn't give up. Finally, around
6:00 p.m. the doctor came to the waiting room and notified
Carl and me that his vital signs were stable, but they were
not equipped to properly treat him there. He was transported
via helicopter to Egleston Children's Hospital (now
Children's Hospital of Atlanta) where he underwent surgery
to drain the fluid accumulated in the brain. They reported
the surgery as successful; however, he later died around
3:00 the next afternoon-Friday, the 13th of January.
Three weeks later I was abducted by two men, sexually
assaulted at gunpoint, and abandoned. In the early hours of
Friday morning, February 3, 1984, I was taken to that same
hospital in Canton for "the physical examination." As a
defense mechanism, my mind shut down and blocked out those
back-to-back traumatic events, leaving me in a deep state of
denial and drained of any color in my life.
I was treated through the County Mental Health Department in
north Georgia. The psychiatrist was a young woman in her
twenties. I began seeing her daily beginning Monday,
February 6th, following the abduction the prior week.
My sessions with the psychiatrist were primarily silent on
my part, thus unproductive until several months later, when
the doctor gave me the challenging assignment to write about
my first memories. An unexpected surprise came when my first
memory was a very sweet one-the image of my father and me as
a little girl. That vision opened a floodgate of memories
that unfolded onto the pages over the next several months,
and eventually brought me back to reality.
Before I realized, a book had evolved. Edgewise: An
Assignment to Remember reflects those memories, with scenes
in the psychiatrist's office interspersed to chronicle my
progression. Delaney is my alter ego and all the names are
changed to protect the innocent, as well as the not so
innocent.
The book is "based on true events," however I categorize it
a novel rather than an autobiography because I have
exercised certain creative liberties. I was never actually
institutionalized like Delaney. I "placed" Delaney in the
fictional "Oakwood Institute" to produce for the reader a
vivid setting in which her psychiatric sessions would take
place. My description of the doctor's office is authentic in
every detail-dilapidated desk, water-stained ceilings,
putrid green walls and chipped black tile floors-a dingy old
under-financed county facility. The occasional roaches
scurried across the floor and up the walls in bright
daylight, so I could just imagine their boldness in the
darkness of night. One afternoon I nervously studied a roach
as it crawled across the floor, up the wall and onto the
ceiling, only to lose its grasp and fall back onto the
floor. Then it scurried behind the old black metal filing
cabinet. Goodness! It makes me shudder to think about the
place.
The doctors and police recommended that my husband admit me
to the institution for treatment, but after seeing the
condition of the place, he chose instead to care for me at
home and transport me there for the daily sessions with the
doctor. The building is long ago gone-as well it should be.
I am forever grateful Carl chose to ignore the
recommendations to institutionalize me. I'm afraid I might
have completely LOST my mind, rather than simply "misplace"
it, as referred to by Delaney in the book.
I would love to reconnect with that young doctor and tell
her how thankful I am that God sent her to me. Sadly, I
don't know how to contact her. I have called the county's
department of mental health, and their records don't go back
that far, so they can't even provide me with her full name.
I know she accepted a position somewhere up north,
(Illinois, Ohio, Pennsylvania-as hard as I try, I can't
remember where she said she was going). I recall feeling
happy when she reminded me how much closer she would be to
her family. On the other hand, I remember how terribly sad I
was that she would no longer be part of my life. After all,
I owed my life to the young woman God sent to save me from
myself! She moved away in 1985.
I very vividly remember her asking me to let her know when I
decided to publish my "book," referring to my assignment's
memories as the book to which they had evolved. When I
assured her that would never happen she hugged me with
tenderness and reassured me, "You will someday, and you'll
know in your heart when the time is right."
About ten years later, I was compelled to read those pages
of my 'assignment to remember.' Afterward, I was further
compelled to intersperse scenes in the doctor's office such
as I remembered them, to chronicle my progression. In 1995 I
joined the local writers club in Atlanta and was encouraged
to complete my story, but I was advised I needed a beginning
that would grab the readers' attention. It was at that time,
I made the decision to exercise my creative liberties and
"place" my alter ego of Delaney in an institution, which is
the setting for the book's first chapters and opening scene.
The manuscript was recognized Novel of the Year by the
Atlanta Writers Club in 1996. I submitted it to several of
the larger publishing houses, only to receive the
traditional form-letter rejections from each of them.
Although discouraged I was also relieved in that I really
wasn't ready to share my story with the world. It was much
too personal. I placed the box containing the manuscript on
the floor in the corner of the closet to gather dust
About two or so years ago, I had a dream in which Collin was
with me. Real to the touch, he hugged me and told me how
much he loved me and assured me he is always by my side. I
awoke from that dream, disappointed it was only a dream.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the vision of the manuscript
suddenly popped into my head. I knew it was time to take out
that manuscript, dust it off, and prepare it for publishing.
And so I did, and so it is now published-my personal story
to be shared with the world, indeed. As the good doctor
assured me twenty years earlier, the time is right-I simply
know it in my heart.
I am always inspired when I read of someone overcoming
life's roadblocks, and I hope my readers are inspired in the
same way. I would like to help others who have experienced
loss, whether it's the loss of a loved one or loss of their
dignity or self-esteem, or for whatever reason, they've lost
their God-given power to fulfill their purpose in life. So
many people have "misplaced" their minds amidst the darkness
of death, trauma, or tragedy. They need someone to help them
simply "turn on the light"-to help them reconnect with the
light of God's love. To reassure them God hasn't "forgotten
them," or "turned His back on them," but perhaps they have
turned their backs on God. I can say this because I was
there. I felt those things, only to discover that God had
not forgotten me, nor had He given up on me. He sent, and
continues to send His love to me everyday through the people
surrounding me and supporting me with love. God's love lives
within each of us-we simply need to know that. It's that
simple-acknowledge and recognize God as our Source.
Edgewise: An Assignment to Remember is the first of three in
the Edgewise series. (Please note: Parental guidance is
recommended as some readers may find parts of the book a
little "graphic").
As an Image Consultant, I strive to make a difference in the
lives of others, while I work with individuals and conduct
workshops relating to image development and self-esteem. The
events upon which Edgewise is based have made me stronger
and more compassionate of others, as I thank God I am here
today to share my story.
