Spirit of Southern Hospitality: Alive and Well or Gone
with the Wind?
Dec 11, 2007
What does it mean to be ‘southern’ or a ‘southerner’? That
question was posed to me last night via email from my good
friend, Greg, who is originally from New York but relocated
to Atlanta several years ago. Rather than answer him
directly I responded to his email with the same question,
“What do YOU think it means to be considered ‘southern(er)’?”
My aka as 'The Spirited Southerner' is what initially
sparked his question, but since he is a man of color from
the great state of New York, I was curious if his
interpretation of the term/s carried a positive connotation
or otherwise.
My friend, Greg informed me his father is from Lake
Hartwell, Georgia and his mother is from North Carolina. His
family traveled to his parents’ hometowns often through the
years so the south was not ‘new’ to him. In fact, he shared
early memories of the area. He recalled the country stores
with the screened doors, and driving down the two-lane roads
where people would wave from their front porches, whether
they knew you or not. His early impressions were that the
folks down south were polite and friendly, open, very
trusting, and very laid back. He was born in New York but
actually moved to Atlanta from Virginia twenty years ago.
Since becoming an Atlanta resident he came to realize two
things of ‘modern day’ south. #1: Most of the people who are
here now are from everywhere else BUT the south, so everyone
is not as hospitable as he remembers. #2: Some of the
southerners who were born here are not as openly hospitable
because they’re more aware of the southern “transplants”
that brought their more reserved cultures with them when
they moved here. Southerners are still very forgiving folks,
but to a certain extent unforgiving, which is a softer way
of saying resentful of the past. He also shared with me that
shortly after moving to Atlanta back in 1986, he had a
business appointment in Gainesville, Georgia. This was
shortly after Oprah Winfrey had aired a show where she
visited Forsyth County’s city of Cumming, GA. In order to
reach his destination he had no other choice but drive
through Cumming and he was very wary of doing so. He made it
a point to complete his business in order to get back on the
road well “before the sun went down.” When asked if he feels
‘at home’ in Atlanta now, Greg’s response was “Absolutely. I
really miss it when I go back to Virginia or New York and
I’m always anxious to return home to the southern
hospitality. I just wish there was more of it still around.”
As a native of Atlanta, Georgia for slightly more than 59
years now I have seen the south and ‘southerners’ change in
many ways, while remaining the same in just as many others.
But what constitutes the ‘south’? The division of the North
and the South began when two surveyors, Charles Mason and
Jeremiah Dixon, mapped out what is known as the famous
Mason-Dixon Line. It was surveyed almost 2 ˝ centuries ago
between 1763 and 1767 in the resolution of a border dispute
in colonial North America. However, it is most commonly
associated with the division between the northern “free
states” and southern “slave states” during the American
Civil War-era, almost 1 ˝ centuries in the past.
After the Civil War, the Mason-Dixon Line continued to be
thought of as a cultural boundary regarding literacy,
financial and industrial development, as well as social
progress and racial integration. Well into the 21st Century
we still refer to ourselves as ’northerners’ or
‘southerners’. With northerners’ nicknamed ‘Yankees’, I
remember my uncle explaining “the difference between a
Yankee and a Damn Yankee is that Yankees just visit, while
Damn Yankees move here for good.” It’s not enough that we
have racial, age and class discriminations and discord in
this country—we have regional divisions, as well.
While attending my book-signings and public events I am
always surrounded by a multiplicity of accents. There are
foreign accents from every country on the planet, just as
there are obvious northern and of course, southern accents.
While some northern accents may seem harsh or abrupt,
bordering on loud and abrasive, there are some southern
accents with the long drawl considered by many as irritating
and less than literate. The northerners make fun of the
southern accents while the southerners imitate their
northern counterparts. Whenever there is a movie with
southern characters they almost always are certain to
‘over-play’ the drawl, such that it grates on a true
southerner’s ear-drums, akin to nails scratching on the
blackboard.
In a recent poll conducted on the website of Atlanta,
Georgia’s Fulton High School Alumni, the responses were
varied yet similar to the question:
“what does it mean to be southern or a southerner?” For
instance, Jean, who was born and raised in the south, spent
2 years in Boston. Even though they made fun of her every
time she opened her mouth, she always tried to show them
southern charm and respect. Jean believes being southern
means showing respect for everyone, especially elders,
saying “Yes mam/sir” and “No mam/sir,” and opening a door
for others, especially ladies and seniors, which she says
she never saw in Boston. Jean went on to describe being
southern as smiling at others and saying, “hello,”—being
friendly--even to strangers, and expressing appreciation by
saying, “thank you.” During her stay in Boston she said
folks just didn’t smile and heaven forbid if she asked
directions. On the lighter side, she shared her idea of
“southern” as iced tea and Sunday dinner, family spending
time together and taking care of one another, helping
friends and neighbors, especially when they are having hard
times. And she adds, “Southern used to mean a little slower
pace in life—I’m not so sure that is the case now, though.”
She closed with saying, “Being southern is a good feeling in
your heart that I almost lost in Boston.”
Another response to the poll came from Frank, who is also
southern by birth. He says "A Southerner enjoys all 4
seasons of the year, from the oppressive heat and humidity
to the famous ice storms that can paralyze a city for days.
And of course, it means running to the store to buy milk and
bread anytime a weather report even mentions snow. He
further regards a Southerner as "being tolerant of others,
always polite and respectful." He describes a true southern
man as “a gentleman who still holds a door for a woman, even
in this day of feminist movements.” He adds, “A true
southern woman still accepts small favors, such as a man
opening a door for them, without thinking the worst.”
Mark Pollard is a recognized historian in Atlanta, and his
expert knowledge of the Civil War and southern history is
amazing. His response was on the web site was profoundly
written, “We may leave the south to study, search for love,
earn a living, seek adventure or opportunities, but a true
Southerner always returns home, even if it’s only in a pine
box. As anyone who lives in the South can tell you, it is a
place of extremes and contradictions: we are known for our
friendliness, but remembered for the Civil War, often
thought of as hicks, but producers of bucket-loads of
presidents, senators and noble warriors. The South seems to
savor life a bit more than the rest of the country. I know
that Moonshine is not something in the sky but out of a
Mason jar and I know that all good Southerners have a hound
dog in heaven.”
Yet another response came from Billy, obviously as proud a
southerner you’d ever meet, who said in no uncertain terms,
and I quote, “Being Southern is by the Grace of God.”
For the most part, these responses could easily be summed up
by the infamous term “Southern Hospitality.” That’s the term
used to describe the genuine graciousness and sense of
welcoming that southerners extend to “folks who aren’t from
around their neck of the woods.” Being gracious is making
strangers feel comfortable while respectful of their rights
to have opinions, and without causing a “ruckus,” even when
a few feathers may have been ruffled. Hospitality and
manners go hand-in-hand, and while it is possible to learn
those traits as adults, they’re most easily instilled in
children when raised to treat others with respect. That can
be accomplished anywhere…not just the south. However, the
true Southern Spirit of Hospitality only lives as long as we
keep breathing life into it through our actions. That can
only be accomplished by setting good examples for the many
who are now “Southern by Choice,” having relocated here from
other areas of the country…and the world.
There is one sure fire way to tell whether someone is truly
southern at heart, and that is to offer them a big heaping
bowl of buttered ‘grits,’ ‘crackling cornbread,’ or a
‘banana sandwich’. If their upper lip curls, the chances are
they’re not southern by birth. But give them a chance—these
dishes native to the southern region can quickly become an
acquired taste. Hospitality can rub off, and given enough
time, so can the drawl, as in “Yaw’ll come back now, ya
hear?”
Until next time,
Just Call Me Dahlin'!
Darlene Ford Wofford, aka 'The Spirited Southerner'
www.JustCallMeDahlin.com or www.TheSpiritedSoutherner.com
